Are You a Victim of Financial Infidelity?

Do one thing: If you discover your partner has been cheating on you – financially speaking – or if you have kept things from them, it’s better to have a calm and honest talk sooner rather than later.

Managing shared expenses can be challenging enough when both partners in a relationship are open and honest. Throw in a few white lies here and there related to your financial life, and your ability to trust each other could go straight out the window.

What is Financial Infidelity?

That’s the thing about financial infidelity – when one partner lies or hides money-related decisions, purchases, or even extra income – it only takes one unfortunate incident to create lingering hard feelings and months of mistrust.  

Financial Infidelity Statistics are Staggering. It turns out financial infidelity may be more common than you may think. A national survey from 2024 showed that some 42% of U.S. adults – who were either married or living with a partner – admitted to keeping a financial secret. More than a quarter of those surveyed – 28% – said that keeping financial secrets from a spouse was as bad as physical cheating. Yikes.

What Financial Infidelity Can Look Like

Many people have probably kept a few things from their significant other to avoid a fight. Think speeding tickets or pricey seats at a show you have been dying to see. On a larger scale, some partners hide assets such as bank accounts to cover up higher-than-disclosed earnings or thousands in debt from overspending. 

But because money can be such an emotionally charged topic on its own, keeping even small financial matters under the table could come back to bite you. 

How to Face Financial Infidelity Head-on

So how can you get past the financial infidelity of a partner, or even your own? There are ways to work through it in constructive ways, says Samanda Morales, a financial advisor and founder of Wellfin360. 

1. Open Communication

“For partners working through financial infidelity issues, creating an open, non-judgmental space for communication about both partners’ money mindsets and any underlying financial traumas is essential,” Morales said. “Understanding each other’s relationship with money can shed light on why one partner might have hidden debt or made unplanned expenses, for example.”

2. Practice Your Listening Skills

This is when listening – really listening to what your partner has to say, and not just waiting for your turn to jump in and respond – is so important. If someone doesn’t feel like they are being heard, then progress will be that much more difficult.

Repeat Back. One communication strategy that works for some couples is to repeat back key points of what a partner says and use language such as “What I’m hearing you say is this. Is that right?” 

Find Common Ground, Then set Goals

Once you’ve had an honest conversation about your financial habits, or several, it’s time to focus on setting shared financial goals you can achieve together, Morales says, noting “This shared purpose will strengthen your relationship and give you a sense of accomplishment. Approach the situation as a team and recognize that you’re both working toward the same goals.”

Utilize a Professional. Not everyone is able to accomplish this on their own. Sometimes, it takes an objective third party, such as a financial coach or counselor, to help couples uncover the reasons they hid money matters in the first place. If you are struggling to make progress on your own, seeking outside help is a solid next step. 

Consider the Yours, Mine, and Ours Approach 

Some couples with shared financial accounts find that splitting their income into three separate buckets – yours, mine, and ours system – is a way to allow each partner to have some flexibility in their spending, and head off financial secret-keeping. 

How to Split Finances. Using the three separate buckets method goes as follows:

• Look at what you are bringing in jointly each month.
• Set aside enough in one checking account to cover all of the routine household bills and expenditures, also taking into account what you need to save for emergencies and retirement.
• Then, you can each designate a specific agreed-upon amount of money to spend each month that goes into separate accounts for each partner. 

Morales’ take on this approach is a budget that includes a “no-questions-asked” allowance for each partner. “This will limit personal spending and empower both of you to manage your finances,” she says. “By fostering open dialogue, setting mutual goals, and establishing healthy spending boundaries, you can rebuild trust and work together toward financial wellness.”