Jean Chatzky
Do one thing: If you have yet to talk with your partner about your financial goals for the future, set a time and day for a money date for just the two of you.
Money: The Taboo Topic
Many of us know money can be a tough topic of conversation with friends and family, let alone the person you decide to share your life with. And when you don’t always have the same money goals as your partner – because, let’s face it, not everyone does – that can make setting financial objectives for the future even more challenging.
Fortunately, there are things you can do together to help smooth out the road ahead.
Sarah Sprague Gerber, a certified financial planner and founder of Momentum Financial Planning, works with couples to set financial goals and then work to achieve them successfully.
“Since almost any life goal involves some amount of money, it’s very important to be on the same page with where you are,” Gerber says. “Setting financial goals together also implies that you are regularly communicating with your partner about high-level goals together – even if they aren’t joint goals themselves, regularly talking about money and financial goals can really help you both be transparent about what you’re working toward and what actions you’re taking to get there.”
Plus, when you work with a partner, she says, you can hold each other accountable and work together toward these goals, and you might find you’re more likely to achieve them as well.
Steps to Help Set Financial Goals With Your Partner
Gerber and other financial coaches and advisors have some tried-and-true strategies to set and keep money goals with a spouse. Among them:
Plan Money Dates
It can be really helpful to experiment with a regular money date where you both sit down and talk about money, including your personal goals, hopes, and dreams. The dates can be weekly, biweekly, monthly, etc. The main goal, though, is to facilitate the financial goals-setting process and have a means to communicate about progress and any challenges regularly. Since this is not a one-size-fits-all program, it’s important to come up with a frequency and style that works for you and your partner.
“Intentionally setting aside protected time to have these important discussions allows both individuals to mentally prepare themselves for the time to have the conversation, rather than someone potentially being caught off guard or simply not being in the right headspace,” says Eddy Jurgielewicz, a partner and lead financial planner at Upbeat Wealth, a fee-only planning firm in New Orleans.
Keep Talks Short and Sweet
Because money can be a tough topic to talk about, you may not have needed to be as open about your finances with someone else before, notes Gerber: “Give yourselves grace that these conversations can feel awkward, embarrassing, scary and even intimidating at first, but do keep going and know that being transparent and still making them happen is key to relationship success.”
Be Transparent
Whether you’re planning to merge finances or not or aren’t sure yet, it’s important to be transparent with all of your accounts including balances, other debts you owe, and your income. In the end, honesty is almost always the best policy.
Play to Your Strengths
It’s OK for one person to be more interested in money and/or take the lead in making these conversations happen, Gerber explains, but both partners must play some role in the day-to-day money management of the couple. That way both people will have some visibility into what’s happening and also be bought into the couple’s system and many financial decisions that lie ahead.
Get It on Paper
There is something about writing down our personal and shared goals that can help us maintain focus on those objectives, and perhaps even work harder to achieve them. Jot down your top three shared goals and place them somewhere you’ll both see them, such as the kitchen fridge or even in a shared closet or bathroom. If you are saving for a dream vacation, include a photo of the place you want to visit together to keep that goal top of mind.
With reporting by Casandra Andrews
