How to Financially Support Loved Ones Without Enabling

Do one thing: Before giving money to a family member, carefully assess whether it may create a financial hardship for you, now or in the future. 

When it comes to helping out family members financially, it’s understandable to want to lend a hand when you can – especially when your newly independent child may be struggling. And you aren’t alone. Research shows that a large number of American parents are consistently giving their adult kids nearly $1,500 in monthly support, according to a 2025 national survey.  

Parents Supporting Adult Children is Increasing

The poll from savings.com of 1,000 parents with adult children found that 50% of those parents reported offering regular financial assistance to their kids, with data indicating that the average support per adult child was a whopping $1,474 monthly – a figure that’s about 6% higher than the same survey from 2024.  

When Giving Impacts Saving for the Future

It can be tough to strike a balance between the needs of adult children who are just starting and your own retirement savings goals. Survey found:

• Nearly 50% of respondents said they have sacrificed their own financial security to continue supporting their kids, with many parents admitting they feel obligated to do so. 
• Working parents who support adult children contribute more than two times more money monthly to their grown kids as they do to their own retirement accounts.

Can You Help and Still Save for Retirement?

We know that life is so much more expensive than it used to be. When you look at renting an apartment or making student loan payments, the average salaries that many young adults make right out of college or trade school often don’t cover the basics, such as rent, insurance, and loan repayments. 

Ask the Following Questions

So before you decide if your adult child stays on the payroll (so to speak), you have to ask yourself:

• What is reasonable for your child
• What you can afford
• Prioritize your own important goals, like retirement

Here’s the thing: If you don’t continue to make yourself a financial priority, then you could be creating a cycle where your child or children may have to step in and take care of you down the road because you may not have saved enough to fully fund your own retirement.

Whether to or How Much to Give

Here are five things to keep in mind as you decide whether, and how much, to give.

1. Handouts Aren’t Always Helpful 

One theory is that by regularly giving adult children money, you could be crippling their financial independence, because they may have less incentive to seek a higher-paying position, or ask for a raise, or even take a chance on a business venture. If they don’t learn what it feels like to struggle early on, or to want to earn more as they seek a financially secure future, that could potentially set them up for failure. 

Kevin C. Feig, CFP, who is also a certified public accountant and founder of Walk You To Wealth, says he proceeds cautiously.  “I don’t advise parents to give their adult children money,” he explains. “Although it seems helpful at the time, it simply enables them, and they will become dependent on it. As a parent myself, it’s hard to see your kids struggle at any age, but handing them cash won’t solve their financial problems.” 

2. Don’t Give Money Without Talking About How To Use It 

Samantha Mockford, CFP, AFC, a wealth advisor at Citrine Capital in San Francisco, notes that money is a tool, and a powerful tool without instructions can be a dangerous weapon.

• Financial Independence is the Goal. The goal should be a continuing path toward financial independence — which means opening and continuing a dialogue about how your children use all their resources, including the ones you’re providing.

“Everyone needs help learning how to use money, and if you fear a gift recipient will abuse the gift, then only give as much as they have demonstrated they can be responsible for,” she says.

3. Be Wary Of The Bailout 

Providing financial help in a limited and decreasing way is one thing. Co-signing for a loan that extends years in the future is something else. If you are asked to do this, think very carefully, Mockford says, particularly if you’re being asked not because an adult child has a thin credit file – or lack of credit – but because they’ve botched the handling of their own credit in the past. Mockford recommends that someone do the following:

• Evaluate what factors disqualify them from the loan or lease
• Work to improve that underlying situation
• Show someone how to make a budget and pay bills on time
• Teach them how to get out of debt
• How to apply for (and keep) a job

4. Add A Professional To The Mix 

If you would feel more comfortable having a professional offer financial guidance to a family member or loved one:

• Ask them if they would accept a gift of sessions with a financial coach or counselor from you.
• Check in with them first before paying for those services, or assuming they are wanted, since they may not be used or appreciated. 

5. In Some Situations, A Trust May Be The Right Move

Some family members with intellectual disabilities or long-term chronic health conditions may not be able to take care of themselves in the future. Mockford says if a loved one needs ongoing support:

• Consider making them the beneficiary of a trust with stipulations in place for receiving income distributions.
• Depending on the circumstances, those stipulations could be things such as:
  • Employment requirements
  • Education requirements.
• Sometimes, grantors who nitpick on distribution rules often neglect to have conversations with the beneficiary about responsible financial habits.

“A trust does not replace face-to-face, hands-on guidance,” Mockford says.

With reporting by Casandra Andrews